Trust

Trust. It’s something we’re called to do even when it’s beyond our comprehension and in the midst of our darkest seasons.

When my husband, Shane, and I started trying to grow our family in 2015, we never imagined the challenges we would face. When we first got pregnant, we were overwhelmed with such joy, picturing and planning our lives with the little life growing inside of me. Sadly, that pregnancy resulted in a miscarriage, and while we were absolutely devastated, we were called to TRUST in the Lord; to TRUST His plan for our family. We later found out that that miscarriage resulted in complications, which soon led us down the path of fertility treatments; countless doctors’ visits, ultrasounds, lab work and procedures – all we could do was TRUST. We went on to do three rounds of IVF, each resulting in a positive pregnancy and then loss – TRUST. It was after our fourth miscarriage that we felt God tugging at our hearts, guiding us towards adoption – TRUST.

We started the adoption process in January 2018, and in the following months started our home study. Prior to our last home study visit in June, we found out we were pregnant – I was initially consumed with shock and fear (shocked since we’d been told it was nearly impossible to get pregnant without the help of modern-day science and fear that this pregnancy would end like the others), but a good friend reminded me to TRUST in the Lord.

At that time, our home study was put on hold, but after just a few weeks, we found out we’d lost our fifth pregnancy (a baby boy who would’ve been due in February). Although we were confused and wondered why, we knew God had greater plans for us – TRUST. We resumed the adoption process, and our home study was completed in July 2018. After months of not hearing anything, in February 2019, we got ‘the call’ we’d been dreaming of and preparing our hearts for. And just a few days after that call, we were on our way to the hospital to meet our son and his birth family. It was truly the most surreal week of our lives, and the Lord’s handiwork was evident in every step of the process.

Shane and I were able to stay in the hospital with Jackson in the days after he was born; we were given a room in the labor and delivery unit. Lying in that hospital bed, a bed that was all too familiar to me given our past procedures, now with our baby boy in my arms, was a perfect reminder of our sovereign God and His perfect plan. We were in fact blessed with a baby boy in February. There were so many ‘God winks’ we saw in the days leading up to and after we brought Jackson home, serving as a constant reminder that the Lord was walking alongside us at every step.

In the past 5 years, I’ve grown so much as a Christian. I’ve learned to TRUST, no matter the circumstance; in what feels like the darkest of times – TRUST. Trust in the Lord’s plan. Trust that His plan is greater than ours could ever be. Proverbs 3:5 always.